[0.0s] previously on Dumbgeons and Dragons.
[2.4s] Stop yelling.
[4.2s] I'm drawing attention to the man peeing into the hot wind.
[10.5s] The figure turns and looks over his shoulder and he has this unnerving smile on his face.
[17.6s] The Russell special.
[18.8s] Hi.
[20.9s] I didn't know. Sometimes there's good people who come down here and they're like,
[24.8s] I'm a goody goody two shoes. I don't want to hurt anybody or carry soul coins.
[30.5s] Oh, you see, we are good people, but we can kill as many people as we want in order to
[37.0s] further our goodness.
[39.8s] To save the world.
[40.6s] I mean, we're trying to save the world here.
[42.5s] So we kind of have to like do some stuff to make it happen.
[44.7s] Got to break a couple eggs.
[47.8s] I like you.
[48.7s] I like you all.
[49.8s] Come with me.
[51.0s] Race me down the hill and he tears off down the hill towards the
[55.4s] war machines down at the bottom.
[57.0s] Oh my God, I'm not running down this hill, you guys.
[60.3s] It's OK. You can ride on the back of my steed that I'm going to summon.
[66.1s] Oh, no, it's a casting time of 10 minutes.
[70.5s] We get to the bottom, your steed arrives.
[74.2s] Wait up. I'm coming.
[79.4s] Welcome to Dumbgeons and Dragons.
[81.1s] I'm your Dungeon Master, Russ More.
[83.0s] He, him also with me today is Carla Backstead.
[88.6s] I knew you were going to pick me because I wasn't really ready.
[92.2s] She, her playing Lipsinki, Pip Diggins, also she, her.
[97.0s] And Amy More.
[98.7s] Second again.
[100.6s] Always a bridesmaid.
[102.0s] She, her playing.
[106.2s] And one time a bride.
[109.4s] There was that one time.
[110.6s] It was pretty.
[111.4s] I thought it was pretty good.
[114.4s] Shut up, you guys.
[115.3s] I'm trying to do my intro.
[118.9s] Sorry, who do you play?
[119.8s] I play Thea Massaccia, she, her and Night Hunter, she, they.
[123.9s] And Tom Laird.
[125.1s] Hey, that's me, he, him and I am playing Flint who also goes by he, him.
[129.4s] And Kyle Claset.
[131.0s] Hey, yo, hey, him and I'm going to be playing Voronox, also he, him.
[140.2s] Kyle's here and it's really exciting, even though is he a regular cast member?
[143.8s] Maybe we tried to make him come to the gook egg.
[146.2s] There's only one place you can find out if I'm a regular cast member.
[149.3s] Russ, where is that?
[150.5s] Patreon.com slash dumb dragon cast, where Kyle pops up in all the things,
[154.5s] like Dumbgeons downtime.
[156.0s] He was in a, he was in an interlude.
[157.9s] For an episode he wasn't even in.
[159.0s] For an episode he wasn't even a part of.
[161.4s] I did that.
[162.2s] Had a different guest star entirely.
[164.9s] We might time those things to line up, but no, we don't.
[168.6s] Because that's how we roll here.
[170.8s] Who's on the call?
[171.8s] What do we need for tomorrow?
[173.8s] Ah, but when you are a patron, you get an episode dedicated to you.
[177.2s] Like today's patron, Maggie.
[180.7s] Thanks, Maggie.
[181.9s] Oh, Maggie.
[183.4s] Dame Maggie Smith.
[184.6s] Wow.
[184.9s] I never thought that she'd be a patron for our podcast.
[187.8s] Amazing.
[188.2s] And I was going to be singing some Rod Stewart.
[190.7s] Oh, also great.
[192.2s] Oh, yeah.
[192.9s] Also a good choice.
[193.8s] Some Bob Dylan.
[194.6s] Oh, so many famous Maggie's are patrons of ours.
[198.2s] You're our favorite.
[199.0s] But you are our favorite.
[200.8s] 100%.
[201.0s] Try it in true.
[202.2s] Thanks, Maggie.
[203.6s] Join us today at Patreon.com slash dumb dragon cast.
[206.9s] Just like Maggie.
[207.8s] All the Maggie's.
[208.8s] But this one specifically.
[210.6s] And now, fuck it.
[211.4s] Let's play.
[215.0s] You've just hurled yourself down the brambling bony hill.
[218.6s] Down towards Smiler as he is tearing down on his war machine.
[223.9s] Towards the unsuspecting victims of your upcoming Grand Theft Auto.
[231.6s] You land down at the bottom.
[238.5s] I think that was seven.
[240.2s] Maybe.
[240.7s] We'll see.
[241.8s] And you find yourselves in these skeletal bushes down off the side of the road.
[247.8s] Quote unquote.
[249.4s] As Smiler tears out into the center to flag down this oncoming envoy.
[254.8s] Which is of one.
[257.0s] Which one did you want?
[257.8s] The Demon Grinder?
[258.6s] Yeah.
[259.7s] One Demon Grinder.
[261.0s] This huge war machine with these massive bony jawed teeth that come off the front of it.
[267.7s] You can see that there is a huge cab and these razor sharp wheels.
[272.2s] Three sets of them all along it.
[274.2s] Hanging off the back is this pivoting swinging wrecking ball.
[278.8s] Alongside them are three that appear very similar to the one that Smiler is riding.
[286.6s] Called Devil's Ride.
[288.5s] More motorcycle ass can hold a couple people or a couple individuals.
[294.1s] And they are slowing down as they are proceeding to Smiler.
[297.2s] Who you hear is just waving.
[298.4s] Hey everybody just come on over.
[300.6s] I just got something to tell you.
[301.8s] Come on just come in close.
[304.3s] So as they are slowing and the engines are still revving quite heavily.
[312.6s] You see a couple red caps hop off the two.
[316.6s] Two of the motorcycles are making their way over to Smiler.
[321.4s] What if some of you try to sneak around the back of the machine?
[327.0s] And I can try to take these red caps out with my arrows.
[331.0s] Anyone else have a bow?
[332.7s] I was thinking I could just like look through the machine and see how many are in there.
[338.4s] Fuck yeah do that Lipsinki.
[339.8s] So I'm going to use my ghostly gaze.
[342.4s] I can see through solid objects with a dark vision.
[345.5s] I just want to see how many folks are inside that machine that were.
[350.3s] Just so we know what we're dealing with.
[352.2s] That is such a great idea.
[353.9s] Okay you're looking inside the large one.
[357.9s] On the outside there are three red caps piloting the smaller ones.
[363.0s] On the back there are these they look very similar to the red caps.
[367.8s] But it's like their cap has like melted to their face.
[370.8s] And their eyes are just always open and they have these jagged teeth.
[374.8s] And they're like spinning and twirling this sharp side blade in their hand.
[382.4s] They're spinning and twirling their on fire batons as if they are pretty cool.
[387.7s] And there's one who's like playing the devil sticks as he's doing his thing.
[391.1s] Exactly you look through the war machine.
[394.5s] Which is a really cool thing that I didn't know you could do.
[397.0s] But now you're doing it it's amazing.
[399.4s] Piloting one of those is another red cap.
[402.2s] There are three other of the of the like the weird looking red cappy type folks.
[411.4s] And then inside like crammed into it is this.
[417.1s] Make a roll.
[420.7s] Just dinner.
[425.1s] Cinnamon.
[426.4s] What are you looking for?
[427.0s] Probably like either history or I guess nature would be relevant to you.
[433.6s] Because you spent a lot of time in really gross and yucky places.
[437.0s] So nature is a skewed kind of perspective to you.
[440.8s] I mean they're both plus two so whatev twenty.
[444.0s] You look inside and you see what you could describe as a flesh golem creature.
[451.8s] It is a large creature.
[455.1s] It takes it's like hunched over inside the back of this vehicle.
[459.7s] It's stitched together of different body parts from devils and demons.
[464.6s] And like there's these weird tentacles that kind of come off one side of it.
[469.0s] It's got like this droops like beaten up kind of face to it.
[474.5s] And it's rocking back and forth inside this large machine.
[480.2s] Can we get a total?
[481.8s] So 11 total.
[484.0s] That's not eight.
[487.1s] Well he said there'd be eight in the big one.
[488.9s] It's true.
[489.5s] So really there's five in the big one.
[491.1s] Yeah I was going to say there's only five in the big one.
[493.9s] So really we're fine.
[496.2s] We'll be fine.
[497.8s] But there's now two there.
[499.2s] He's flagged two down.
[501.9s] Well there's one big machine.
[503.3s] Yeah.
[503.8s] There are three motorcycle machines.
[505.8s] Oh I getcha.
[507.7s] Plus I thought sorry I thought they were on like the outside of the machine.
[511.9s] Kind of like on the.
[513.8s] No so there are four vehicles.
[516.3s] Four potential stealing machines.
[519.8s] Machines to be stolen other than Smilers.
[523.1s] Gotcha.
[525.0s] Guys I've got good news and bad news.
[527.4s] Which do you want?
[529.7s] Okay so the good news.
[531.0s] I'm just going to.
[531.8s] Okay so the good news there's only five inside there.
[536.7s] That's positive.
[537.6s] So that is good news.
[538.7s] That's good news.
[539.4s] I mean the bad news is that one of them is like a flesh golem.
[544.0s] So it's basically the most disgusting thing you've probably ever seen.
[548.9s] I mean maybe not you Grancis because I know you saw some shit down in the.
[552.2s] I've been a flesh golem once.
[554.0s] Yeah it's kind of piecing.
[555.8s] It's gross and I am going to warn you it probably smells very bad.
[562.3s] Yeah like eggs and watermelon.
[567.4s] Well I mean.
[570.2s] Anyway.
[572.3s] Out of everything it could smell bad those are two foods.
[576.2s] I'm just saying okay.
[579.4s] Combined wait I don't want to know why am I asking.
[581.9s] No let's stay focused people.
[584.2s] But I still love your plan like you like we should sneak up and then.
[590.2s] What are the points of egress into this machine Russ?
[593.0s] I'm picturing a tank but you have not said that.
[596.2s] No I haven't said that.
[598.9s] It's like a tank.
[600.2s] It's like a tank.
[601.2s] So there is one on top there appears.
[606.3s] You haven't really gone around the back.
[608.6s] Maybe you have.
[609.9s] You would be able to see straight through.
[611.4s] It's all good.
[612.2s] There appears to be an entrance not directly out the back because that's where the
[616.0s] swinging ball is but like often to the side near the back there is a larger door.
[621.5s] So there's one door at the very back and then one from the top.
[625.6s] Well whatever my plan is I know that I can offer a little bit of help.
[631.1s] So I'm going to cast I'm going to go ahead and get us set up with bless.
[636.1s] At a how many people I need to bless right now.
[640.9s] Six six players.
[643.5s] I'm just picturing like you get a bless you get a bless you get a bless.
[647.8s] That's exactly it you nailed it.
[649.4s] Yeah there's six player characters plus Donnie.
[653.6s] All right so let me do.
[655.0s] Fifth level that should get me everybody in our group now has bless.
[661.8s] What does that do?
[662.5s] It's real good.
[663.5s] Whenever you make an attack or a saving throw before the spell ends which is a minute long
[668.2s] you can add a d4 to the rolled attack or saving throw.
[672.5s] Nice yes.
[675.8s] All right I've got ranged attacks I can stay here take care of some a-holes on the outside
[683.5s] if some heavy hitters want to go in and you know I mean they're kind of trapped in there right.
[691.6s] What if you threw fire in there?
[693.2s] We could do that.
[694.3s] Just saying get creative with it.
[696.2s] Oh I've got an idea I've got this fun little thing I can at least
[699.5s] eliminate one of their points of egress so if there's a door I've got this nifty little
[706.0s] rod and I pull out an immovable rod click it stays in space just like we just put that
[711.0s] in front of it then they have only one way to go out.
[713.3s] I like it let's do that.
[715.1s] I'm not sneaky as we found out earlier would somebody be more would somebody want to.
[720.8s] I can do this it's a press here or press.
[724.8s] Yeah just click the end of it and leave it where you want it click the end and then
[730.1s] let go.
[731.0s] And they cannot pass through?
[732.7s] Well it's immovable so nothing's nothing's moving it unless you again.
[739.4s] Wait does the door swing in or out?
[741.8s] It is magic right?
[744.2s] I do not generally like magic but this this is what.
[748.6s] I don't know Francis.
[750.7s] It's valid because if it swings in and you put a bar in front of it then they're just going to.
[756.5s] I know but then they cannot pass through where this is.
[762.0s] Yes it creates a door that is not there.
[763.7s] Has there ever been a vehicle where the door swings in that isn't a hatch at the top?
[767.7s] It's quite a small area in there they're pretty jammed in so if it pulled in it'd be I mean I
[774.1s] don't know the design standards here or what sort but it.
[777.1s] Look I'm just trying to I'm just trying to just solve for problems that don't exist.
[782.2s] Better yet instead of instead of putting it in front of the door
[786.2s] we could put it behind one or in front of one of their wheels and then they won't be
[789.8s] able to drive off if they get the urge to do so.
[792.5s] Oh that's a good idea too.
[794.3s] Now that's that's how you rose through the ranks.
[798.5s] That's why you became my mentor and best friend because you're so smart.
[803.0s] I am sorry I was looking at this fun thing where do you want me to place it?
[807.6s] On on the door.
[809.2s] No we're changing that put it put it in front of one of their wheels so if they
[813.1s] try to move forward they won't be able to now if they move back that's a different story but.
[817.7s] Maybe it's not equipped with a reverse function you're always moving forward in hell.
[821.9s] And then you'll do U-turns.
[823.7s] Yeah yeah constant U-turns left turns when it's least convenient for anybody else.
[827.9s] Okay we'll do this now.
[829.4s] Okay.
[829.7s] And Night Hunter sneaks off to go around because obviously you can't just beeline it for the
[835.4s] front there are other.
[836.4s] There are other entities and creatures uh observing the front.
[839.4s] Yeah so they're gonna just try to be super sneaky.
[842.1s] Okay so Night Hunter.
[845.1s] Sneaking around.
[846.2s] Roll me a sneak check a stealth check.
[849.8s] Oh fuck me.
[851.5s] Uh but then I can add uh oh hold on hold on.
[854.5s] You can add a bless thing.
[856.2s] I can add a bless thing.
[857.9s] Which is plus D4.
[859.6s] All right that was that's a 12.
[862.5s] A 12 is not that bad it's hell there's a lot of things happening in hell.
[867.4s] I suppose these machines are like.
[871.4s] Oh yeah they they scream with the power of soul uh.
[875.0s] Oh well fantastic then under the cover of soul screams I fly.
[880.2s] You're sneaking around to one of the rear wheels presumably.
[884.2s] Yeah I'm not gonna put it.
[886.6s] Oh here we go I'm not actually gonna place it in front of their front tires.
[891.0s] I'm going to place it in front of one of their back tires.
[894.6s] That way if they try to go forward they can't and if they try to reverse they can't.
[899.9s] Yeah because it's stuck between the wheels.
[902.8s] Thinking thinking all right uh so Night Hunter's there.
[906.1s] Where do does everybody else want to be?
[909.3s] As far as using like clock directions which one has the easiest uh ingress?
[915.0s] Like getting there quick it's like three o'clock nine o'clock.
[919.0s] They're all at 12 o'clock because we're back in a bush.
[923.3s] So are you looking for which door to run to?
[926.1s] Yeah that's what I thought.
[927.2s] No just to run up to that in general.
[929.8s] Let's say eight o'clock.
[931.2s] Everybody give me a little like action montage description of you getting into position.
[937.9s] Uh okay so Night Hunter you're gonna go place the uh the immovable rod uh the rear tires
[943.8s] so that if they back up move forward.
[945.7s] Exactly.
[946.4s] Okay uh Vorunax and Lipsinkie where are you gonna be?
[949.7s] Sneaking up to the left hand side uh I look back at Lipsinkie.
[953.8s] Not sure exactly because we haven't gotten too many chances to work with each other yet.
[958.6s] But uh I just start moving because I'm used to and then I look back at Lipsinkie like.
[963.5s] Yeah and big thumbs up and I think what Lipsinkie's gonna do is use sharpie
[967.0s] because I never I haven't used sharpie in a long time but sharpie can actually be used
[971.1s] like essentially as a grappling hook from the bracer so I'm gonna do that so that I can um get
[978.2s] up onto the top because I do want to open that hatch and do something down into them.
[984.5s] That seems like okay you know they're kind of trapped in there.
[988.9s] Let's like put you just down on top then yeah.
[991.5s] So so that's my plan is just like grapple my way up there.
[997.0s] Step one she hasn't figured out what step two is yet but.
[1000.2s] Yeah well it will present itself to her.
[1002.2s] Exactly love it uh Thea and Flint from the side uh maybe a little game plan for each of
[1009.4s] yourselves.
[1010.2s] Uh well Thea I think has already given her spiel about like I'm gonna stay here.
[1015.4s] And then Grantz starts to move like as Vorunax and Lipsinkie and then like start
[1019.8s] to move toward the thing and she like straight up grabs him by the scruff of the
[1023.9s] back of his collar neck and is like you sit down you stay here with me.
[1029.4s] Oh okay uh yeah yeah I'll stay here.
[1031.8s] Okay we're gonna try to.
[1032.6s] Flint's gonna stay here too with us keep us company.
[1036.2s] Well no.
[1038.3s] Flint is gonna go hit people really hard.
[1040.9s] All right you still do that do you?
[1045.7s] Yes he does.
[1048.0s] I mean I'm already down by the vehicle I don't I don't know.
[1051.0s] Rest one in the scene before you go.
[1056.5s] That's cool.
[1056.8s] He's already gone.
[1057.5s] He's already gone he's already left.
[1058.7s] He didn't even talk to you Grantz is worried about you.
[1061.0s] He didn't even say goodbye.
[1062.2s] Okay we need what we need to do is we need to quietly try to take out some of these.
[1068.1s] Why are you talking so loud?
[1070.1s] I'm not.
[1072.2s] You're.
[1077.3s] My full plan is you see those two that are walking up to Smiler.
[1080.9s] I want all this chaos to happen behind their backs so that they don't turn around.
[1086.5s] Okay.
[1086.8s] We're gonna kill.
[1088.2s] Okay okay.
[1089.8s] Okay okay.
[1090.9s] Okay sorry hell does weird things to your vocal cords it makes them really
[1095.4s] clear and then they drift back out.
[1097.2s] I don't like it quiet let's just not talk anymore.
[1110.9s] As everybody gets into position and readies themselves as best they can
[1122.7s] Smiler's kind of watching everything drawing the attention back towards himself from
[1128.6s] the redcaps who are in front of him as the random noises are made so that hopefully
[1134.0s] you make it to your position as smoothly as possible.
[1137.5s] Um and then yes well and then she says to him she says now.
[1142.9s] As she hears Smiler yell now she will let loose an eldritch blast so a beam of this time
[1155.0s] red crackling energy streaks towards these creatures four beams crackle out from her
[1164.0s] hands and as she aims for the four dudes on the cool motorcycles.
[1172.1s] We're trying to disrupt them on the motorbikes.
[1174.9s] Indeed.
[1175.9s] All right awesome give me some rolls.
[1178.9s] So that's five damage for the first four for the second three for the third
[1184.7s] who wants to guess what the next one's gonna be oh it's a four.
[1189.8s] Five four three two one this sucks and then that's right I remember that I've got multiple actions.
[1202.0s] She is going to take her oath bow but she's not gonna whisper to it she's just gonna
[1209.3s] use it as a bow that's possible right yeah yeah I don't have to you don't get the bonus
[1215.4s] that it gives when you do the whisper but yeah you just use it as a bow right.
[1219.2s] The bonus huh uh that's a 25 yeah absolutely six plus two okay and that one is going for
[1228.8s] the one that is closest to the bushes okay so yeah one of the red caps who is talking
[1235.0s] to Smiler at this time oh sure yes the above the bushes
[1240.2s] which is for elders blast ring out and crackling energy through the air and knocks all of these
[1251.1s] creatures off of the devil's ride that they're on they're blasted back and off a arrow zips
[1257.6s] through the air towards one of them and impales in its shoulder lets out just this hideous
[1263.5s] scream as it reaches for its scythe.
[1267.4s] Am I able to like rip open one of these doors and hop in this tank sure yeah absolutely let's do it
[1273.8s] okay you tear open the door it sticks a little bit it's a little awkward at first but then
[1279.2s] then it rips open you gotta you gotta give it like an up and an open at the same time
[1283.2s] and as you open it staring straight at you is this huge flesh golem as was described by
[1291.0s] it's got these now that it looks it starts to slowly look up at you and opens its mouth
[1296.8s] and like the jaw hangs loose and it's got these sharp teeth and like this tentacle begins
[1302.4s] to move out towards you to try and grab on to you what do you do uh i am going to uh attack
[1308.1s] that tentacle as it tries to come at me what are you hitting it with uh probably my battle
[1313.8s] axe swings out how big is the interior of this if we were to go inside of it would our
[1322.8s] like movements be impeded at all like flint's at the door yes but i'm just wondering if he
[1328.6s] were to step inside would he have room to swing an axe uh yeah it's pretty roomy y'all
[1334.9s] would i be better served to go like the long sword though probably yeah coming up and over
[1341.2s] is gonna be an issue like you know a side swipe um would be would be more advantageous
[1348.8s] because of this large creature in there it is slightly cramped but you would imagine that
[1354.1s] that it's it's pretty spacious for normal sized individuals well we'll do uh moist tongue
[1360.2s] long sword then been so long i know moist and
[1370.0s] and i'll deal some damage with that bad boy so i have three attacks per action russ okay 38
[1377.1s] yes how much of that's cold all of the 2d6 so 18 of it 30 is a 20 is not 20
[1387.0s] my math is math is hard okay okay yeah 38 yeah 18 18 of it's cold the cold begins to crystallize
[1398.7s] the skin but it doesn't not in the same way that you were used to you are now blocking the
[1404.6s] door essentially unless you choose to move uh i'll probably like make sure i get one or two steps
[1410.1s] into this thing flint steps in and to the side night hunter uh so you are i guess you are placing
[1416.8s] the immovable rod that is your that is your mode in this one yes can i place it and then
[1424.2s] sneak up the front of the yeah the machine okay i want to do that okay yeah you uh place the
[1430.2s] immovable rod you push the button as described doesn't seem to be able to move you try and
[1435.6s] give it a little shimmy uh i'm like fantastic technology has advertised uh and then you move
[1441.6s] up to the front of the machine where you see three of these mad caps trying to like
[1447.4s] climb back up to their feet um and then the red cap scrambling to get their weapons
[1452.5s] in front of them Vorunax seeing as flint and lip sync he have the tank going down i am going
[1460.1s] to run up to the the guy in the that's standing next to the left motorcycle left most motorcycle
[1468.2s] yep i'm gonna run up drawing my uh my sword of vengeance and i'm going to
[1473.8s] exclaim out in the name of good you will die today and i'm gonna give an attack
[1480.5s] love it uh so yeah like everybody else we can just roll some damage for this one
[1485.7s] all right so that is uh 11 slashing magical slashing damage and i'm going to burn a divine
[1493.2s] smite okay and do 2d8 extra of radiant and damage nine radiant damage on top of that
[1499.9s] oh 20 in total and is it a fiend it is a small fae fae okay i mean i didn't tell you
[1511.4s] what it was it's not a fiend though yeah you take a huge chunk into it and because it's it's like
[1519.3s] prone you as you get closer you see that the boots on it have this huge like hooked uh blade
[1526.0s] on them um but you cut down into it and let's out a scry scry lets out a cry uh it looks
[1534.2s] it's a scream cry and like a false limp uh you like you managed to like stab through the heart
[1541.6s] of this thing uh and and shut this one down it's dead it's dead oh good then i'm going to
[1548.4s] use the rest of my movement to move up to the middle one right behind the gray one and uh do
[1553.5s] another attack awesome so that's going to be 13 magical slashing damage and 13 radiant damage
[1561.5s] again because of its prone position and your ability to sneak up on it before it has a chance
[1565.6s] to um guard itself uh you can kill this creature as you see murderously and another for you
[1574.8s] in the name of good impale he's over there like doing good feels so good i'm enjoying this
[1584.2s] fae is concerned just watching from the bushes like oh no yeah this is not this is not what
[1589.1s] we had in mind but did you kill that other one too yeah he's killed too we go to lip sinky now
[1594.9s] so when i lodged sharpie in there as a grappling hook i would like to submit that i can then pull
[1602.2s] because there is a whole thing about using it for attacks to pull that lid off okay yeah and
[1609.3s] once i do that luckily i noticed my friend uh flint go in there so i won't do the thing
[1616.7s] that i was originally going to do but instead um i think i will just eldritch blast because that
[1625.8s] does four beams which i'll do the extra one into big grosso does that make sense yeah big
[1633.6s] grosso you know big grosso um so that is damn uh so two nines a four and a three damn the
[1647.0s] interior of this this tank creates uh lights up with the the beams coming from your eldritch
[1655.1s] blast uh flint they like zip by you and over your shoulders um and strike into this huge
[1663.1s] creature in front of you who is like blown back into the side and the entire thing rocks
[1669.3s] lip sinky make a dexterity saving throw please not great do i still have that
[1676.2s] bless from before you still have a d4 for bless yep no that's good for a minute so that's
[1681.3s] gonna put me at a 12 your foot slips and you fall off the side and down towards one of these
[1689.4s] razor sharp blades okay i'm still holding no i'm not that's a lie i was gonna say i'm still
[1696.4s] holding on to sharpie but sharpie threw a lid off so sharpie is no longer attached to the
[1702.5s] machine damn it so you're gonna like land on your side and you're gonna it's gonna cut deep
[1709.0s] into you and you're gonna take eight slashing damage landing on this tire
[1713.0s] right it's not tire this razor blade hey Grancis see it's been a while what what should i do
[1722.4s] uh you should hit them with a spell but not like one of your awesome spells that you like
[1727.1s] save those for orcas but like hit them with like a like a mediocre spell oh do we think
[1732.0s] we're gonna fight orcas like next i don't i don't know what if there's no time to
[1738.1s] rest in between now and then well yeah i know i get it i haven't had a time to to to rest
[1745.4s] in quite a while uh what about call lightning does that seem like it would be pretty cool
[1751.0s] i mean yeah sure maybe okay cool a storm cloud begins to appear uh as he is oh that's a
[1758.2s] that's a duration i was like oh shit casting time 10 minutes god damn was this feinstein
[1763.4s] but no it's casting time what is the point one action duration 10 minutes a storm cloud appears
[1769.4s] above the machine uh in the shape of a cylinder 10 feet tall 60 foot radius centered on the
[1774.2s] point i could see uh when cast i choose a point i can see in the cloud a bolt of
[1778.5s] lighting flashes down to the cloud each creature within five feet at that point must
[1781.5s] make a dexterity saving throw uh hey maybe instead of over top of that go over top of
[1788.2s] the guys on the motorcycles oh yeah that's probably a really good idea just to the left
[1791.8s] a little bit oh but pharax is there oh fuck it he'll be okay yeah he'll probably position
[1798.1s] it above the two that are near a smiler yeah fuck it they're gonna take it three d10
[1802.7s] you're a little 3d10 yeah you want me to roll that sure three eight five uh 16 uh the two
[1814.2s] that are near a smiler the two red caps uh are finally back up to their feet and they
[1819.0s] hold up their size and it connects with this lightning blast that like riddles down through
[1824.3s] their body and you can see their skeleton like's fixing in and out um and it stops
[1831.0s] and there's smoke coming up from their the top of their heads and they just fall over
[1837.0s] see like riding a bike oh i felt good felt good no now we got this cool storm action
[1843.0s] okay we're back up to the top uh smiler's gonna have a turn uh he's going to hop on his vehicle
[1851.8s] um and it appears that he is driving away
[1864.2s] really nice to see you have fun in your vehicles and he tears off
[1873.0s] you hey everybody it's me your dungeon master Russ More i i've just recorded several of
[1879.1s] these middles and i keep getting a little retrospective and sappy in them so i
[1884.5s] i don't know if that's what we need for this episode it's grand theft war machine
[1888.7s] and we're very excited because a couple things you may have noticed some release schedules are
[1895.8s] off if you're all cut up you're like hey hey russ i want to know what happens next and we
[1900.8s] want to tell you uh world's busy got to make sure that we uh take care of ourselves uh and
[1907.0s] we're putting out content as fast as we can but no in the background we are still recording every
[1912.3s] tuesday like we do uh and we are working towards some pretty big events that i can't tell you
[1917.6s] about but it's very exciting big things are happening things that i didn't expect which is
[1926.1s] the case for most of Dumbgeons and Dragons which is why it takes us so long to get places but
[1932.2s] we have so much fun and we've got so much coming your way and we want to share it with you i just
[1937.6s] can't put them out fast enough so don't worry we are working ahead and planning and making
[1941.2s] sure that this is the biggest most epic thing that we're working towards that we've ever done
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[1953.5s] can come join us on Patreon Patreon.com slash dumb dragon cast where i mean we are a a patron
[1959.5s] supported as well as advertiser supported but primarily patron supported show that has allowed
[1965.3s] us to continue recording my computer just died a few weeks back and i had to go out like same
[1971.2s] day and get a new computer which i was only able to do because of our patrons so thank
[1978.3s] you Patreon.com slash dumb dragon cast whole bunch of content over there like i'm looking
[1984.7s] at the list like more than 250 episodes so look at your main feed where there's more than 250
[1990.6s] episodes double it that's how much content we've got over there for you which includes
[1995.5s] a whole bunch of down times from season two and an entirely original and exclusive podcast
[2002.2s] that we've got it we're deep into season four over there i'm pretty sure tom's working
[2007.1s] towards the season five but we'll see how it goes you know we're not rushing anything
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[2019.1s] but we'll get you back to this episode now thank you for listening and thank you for
[2023.4s] considering joining us on Patreon you have a great week we'll talk to you soon
[2030.2s] is there anyone still alive there are two on the outside that are still alive a red cap
[2034.5s] and a mad cap uh there is still the big grotesque thing as well as uh what did i say three mad
[2041.7s] caps inside and a red cap yeah uh so four more creature five more creatures inside the vehicle
[2049.6s] that are still alive inside the big vehicle uh thea we're back to you all right um thea
[2057.2s] is going to eldritch blast the two on the outside twice so they're each going to get two
[2068.0s] beams awesome uh my first one is a 19 that will hit second one's a 19 okay third one's 15
[2077.4s] got a d4 on bless 15 hits yep oh dear and the next one is an 11 and i'm gonna use that d4
[2087.5s] come on what is it oh shoot i think it's 13 13 does not hit ah okay so uh three two two to the
[2100.6s] one in the middle and one to the other one on the side more elf blast fires across the
[2105.7s] landscape uh two right in front of you Vorunax at the one that you the one that's in front
[2111.1s] of the one that you just murdered 11 damage and as they are standing back to their feet
[2115.8s] are blasted back again knocked to the ground in varnus you hear them specifically they're like
[2121.0s] ah son of bitch god damn it i'm gonna get them uh they don't appear to be dead yet they are like
[2129.8s] there's they're being too sassy for you scorch and and burn marks all over their all over
[2135.5s] their flesh weirdly it's all thea's name in cursive that's that's right yeah it's a brand
[2142.0s] yeah uh the red cap's turn he's going to stand up which is going to take half of its movement which
[2147.3s] is only 25 so it's going to take 12 but then uh look around and charge towards you Vorunax
[2154.0s] for cool red cap has a multi-attack three attacks with its wicked sickle bring it wicked
[2160.3s] sickle uh move a speed yeah like a sticky wicked uh exactly wicked yeah uh first attack uh 10
[2168.6s] no second attack 25 that will hit yeah third attack 19 that does not hit okay uh so that's
[2177.3s] going to be nine slashing damage from the one that hits you and it comes up it's just like
[2181.4s] flailing its sickle and the second one cuts into your arm where there's a little uh clearance
[2186.6s] in your armor all right uh let's react with a little hellish rebuke oh that one was on my
[2193.0s] list wasn't it it was okay cool beans what happens i he hellishly rebuke yeah yeah i mean
[2204.4s] it's pretty self-explanatory i'm just doing it at first level uh okay cast uh hellish rebuke
[2209.4s] uh and uh tell me what normally happens uh well the creature must make a dexterity
[2214.7s] saving throw if it takes 2d10 fire damage on a failed or half as much on a success dex
[2221.0s] save plus a one that's a 15 uh that does not beat my dc of uh of 20 of 1 million ah i was so
[2231.0s] close okay dang it so he's gonna take some damage which still happens that'd be 15 fire
[2238.2s] damage in total and can you roll me a d6 please i certainly can that's a five okay uh you cast
[2245.8s] hellish rebuke flames are burning up all around him uh he he's screaming out in pain and drops
[2251.9s] dead but in the remnants of the flame uh five imps pop out of the flames look around and uh
[2261.4s] move to charge towards you sweet i'm gonna roll them into initiative they go never ending combat
[2269.5s] never ending combat oh god don't do that again yeah that's more of a Patreon game thing russ
[2275.2s] stop stealing my thing i will not uh they're gonna go next actually cool so five imps coming
[2280.9s] towards you they attack with stings bites in beast form no it's gonna be a sting here we go
[2287.7s] let's see if i can beat your ac with one that's a 10 223 oh yes another 10 oh nat 20
[2298.2s] which makes 25 and a 9 so that's two uh so the first one you get five piercing damage
[2304.6s] please make a constitution saving throw i think you can probably beat it without even rolling
[2308.9s] if i remember correctly well i mean i got a nine so you tell me oh you didn't yeah uh so
[2315.6s] you also take 10 poison damage uh i'm immune oh wait no i have a resistance against poison
[2321.7s] so there'd be only five all right so you're gonna take five poison damage and then you're
[2325.8s] gonna take double on the next one so you're gonna take another 10 piercing damage and
[2329.8s] another constitution saving throw okay oh 25 that one succeeds uh so you're only gonna take
[2337.6s] half so you're gonna take another point 10 poison damage half you're gonna take another
[2341.8s] five okay the mad caps inside flint charge towards you there are three of them they're
[2347.8s] the ones that look like they the hats have melted into their face i would probably also
[2353.5s] be angry if that was my lot they don't look happy i mean you are covered with scabs so
[2357.5s] your life is not great either at the moment forgot about that so they each have three
[2364.7s] swings with their wicked sickles so i'm gonna roll 320 so that's uh plus so 13 14 14 for
[2373.8s] the first one nothing no no one no boy uh 12 13 14 for the second one wow you're rolling my
[2386.3s] uh 18 25 11 18 does not hit so the 25 so just one so you're gonna take nine slashing damage like
[2396.2s] all of these these three creatures and they're they're small so they're like two or three feet
[2400.9s] coming at you just swinging their sickles as quickly as they can towards you uh only one
[2405.7s] of them manages to catch skin which catches like an exceptionally scabby part and it just
[2412.4s] it really just feels extra bad like it's not a huge amount of damage but yeah just like begins
[2417.5s] to positive i hate it yeah it's because it's hell uh okay flint uh well yeah let's uh let's
[2429.1s] turn that back around let's turn the beat around uh and we'll uh we'll just we'll attack
[2434.5s] all those weird red cap face boys awesome uh so you have three of them in front of you
[2440.0s] name them one two and three all right well let's uh let's attack them in that order
[2445.0s] all right roll all my d20s uh that's a 24 yep that's the exact same all right
[2454.7s] and then that is a 17 uh all of those will hit nine for number one 11 for number two
[2464.6s] uh and 12 for number three yeah you hit them and then blood is like
[2470.7s] well not even blood is like this black blackish red
[2474.7s] ichor that's flowing down onto the floor of this uh of the machine um they are they're
[2481.8s] knocked down they are all three are prone um they are writhing on the floor uh in front
[2488.4s] of you you're in the machine uh anything else you can or would like to do i mean i guess i
[2494.6s] could use my second attack action oh right you got a second attack yeah i sure do uh so yeah
[2503.2s] there's three writhing on the ground not looking too uh much of a concern and then the
[2508.7s] big big boy uh well okay well they're all out of the way i'll go back to focusing on
[2516.3s] sorry also one in the driver's seat now but he isn't driving anywhere like we are still stationary
[2523.8s] you are still stationary yeah okay then i will leave him for the time being okay all right
[2530.7s] uh so to hit the big guy first one was a 21 second is a 17 third is a 12 it's about as
[2541.1s] bad as it gets all of those will hit okay he's not a hyper mobile big fleshy blob of grossness
[2549.9s] perfect uh 13 on the first one 12 on the second and nine on the third so 34
[2560.7s] wowsers yeah carving into this creature before you you don't kill them but describe the scene
[2569.4s] as it's playing out as you are in like this essentially shoe box with all of these monsters
[2575.5s] and creatures that you're you're carving up yeah it's kind of a like you know if you've ever
[2581.3s] been for like benihana it's kind of like that there's a lot of like a lot of sword
[2589.0s] tricks a lot of form i got going on here dicing into little bits flipping things up
[2593.6s] you know catching body parts under your hat then revealing it in the pocket all that
[2598.4s] stuff it's all good awesome uh night hunter your turn okay so night hunter has moved to the front
[2607.3s] there how many are still alive like one next no that one's dead too that one's dead too
[2614.2s] okay well then night hunter is going to uh crawl or climb up the side of the big vehicle
[2621.2s] i didn't see what the party is going on so you as you're climbing up you see lip synci
[2626.3s] who's fallen onto one of these blades oh i want to help her i reach down and i like pull her off
[2633.3s] a blade are you a real small friend oh i mean i've been better but really i just want to get
[2639.6s] in there oh i can give you lift thank you i throw her up
[2647.6s] do you uh climb up after too as well yes uh so yeah you throw lip synci up lip synci do you
[2653.5s] want to land inside the machine like do a tuck somersault or sure i mean i guess there is an
[2660.1s] open hole at the top where i pulled the lid off so yeah let's just hope there's no
[2667.4s] spinning blade right where i land i guess i know there's not because i looked through
[2671.8s] the machine so fly up into the air and land down inside the machine and flint is just like
[2677.6s] tearing up everything inside uh night hunter you climb up and follow behind you are able to
[2683.7s] get inside as well uh i turn around and see the driver uh yeah you would be able to see the
[2689.9s] driver yeah all right i want to attack the driver with my uh with corpse grinder he turns
[2697.0s] around and like just like catches your eye as you swing as your as he sees your axe swinging
[2702.7s] down on top of them uh 26 yes oh my god max damage yes that's what's up 19 yeah yeah uh
[2713.9s] straight hit to like i mean there's really only one place to hit him based on how the
[2718.8s] the cockpit's built you're gonna hit him in the face uh so your axe cleaves down into his
[2723.7s] head um and like into the backs of the seat that he's sitting in and like sticks back out
[2729.6s] like almost like swings back down towards you yeah it's pretty gross but i mean amy says
[2736.9s] ew night hunter has an enormous smile on their face uh and they turn around and am i now faced
[2744.1s] with the back of this gross big blob monster yeah there's like a weird dance happening around
[2749.6s] so like lip sync is kind of between the two of you but flint is like mushed to the side
[2754.2s] like just like stabbing into it i want to like soccer mom arm lip sinkie to the side as i swing
[2762.5s] corpse grinder down um onto the back of this um flesh golem awesome oh no uh 19 i don't know
[2772.0s] why i said oh no for that and oh my god max damage again oh my god 19 a hideous demonic
[2781.4s] like whale echoes out in this space your axe is lodged deep within the flesh of this golem
[2789.7s] Vorunax so i got all these imps around me yes and uh i just look around and i look at them and say
[2797.0s] today you will fall to the will of ordinary people doing good things and i'm gonna cast
[2804.4s] thunder step uh and i'm gonna teleport myself to the top of the tank and they need to make
[2811.1s] a constitution saving throw dc 20 or take 3d 10 thunder damage i mean i'm gonna give them all
[2818.9s] a try on a failed and half on that success yeah no they all failed uh one of them extra miserably
[2824.9s] with a nat one fantastic let's see that is 12 thunder damage uh in total and that thunder
[2833.1s] can be heard up to 300 feet away it echoes out across the plains and they all like explode
[2840.7s] as soon as it hits them and this fiery gory mess all five of them are dead as you land back
[2849.8s] up on top of the uh the machine i can kind of gauge the situation that's going on inside
[2855.7s] yeah cool okay so uh the last thing left is this big thing um just just one big thing left
[2863.8s] i think i think this has it even never gotten a turn once i think yeah once uh not not even
[2869.9s] so let's give it a turn just see what it just can see what it can do i wasn't what i was no
[2875.9s] yeah that's a good idea uh is more of a haha yeah i mean it's just a big i'm a big girls monster
[2886.3s] punchy guy so uh it's gonna make just two slam attacks at flint uh it doesn't uh i think
[2894.0s] the highest one was a 15 there yeah that won't do it yeah so it's just trying to like
[2899.4s] get position in this place but all of you uh at this point like how i picture this scene
[2906.5s] kind of playing out is like Vorunax climbs in and shuts the door behind him and there's just
[2914.0s] it's rocks back and forth until there's just like a splat across all the windows
[2919.6s] yeah and grants us are just watching from the outside yeah just being like i wouldn't want to be
[2925.8s] that thing no yeah they should have built the doors a little bit bigger maybe it could have
[2931.0s] gotten out god do you think oh it's gonna be everywhere yeah no it's gotten into everything
[2936.2s] like everybody's everybody's gonna have to have that's gonna need some they probably don't they
[2940.7s] probably don't have baths down here this is not good do you think there's like a squeegee or
[2945.0s] something can't even see if those windows anymore lip sync is a big hand that wipes across the
[2950.7s] front and i picture lip sync he like just giving a big wave from inside as everybody
[2956.4s] climbs into the machine and like rolls out as much of the gross that's in there out the side
[2962.6s] door as it hits the ground uh and the door is shut closed we see everybody go up to the the
[2971.3s] helm the cockpit of this machine and look around does anybody know how to start it
[2977.6s] uh i search a nearby body of one of the uh red caps see if i can find a coin and i i looked
[2986.0s] under like the visor like they always do in movies and thea hops out and grabs the movable
[2993.3s] rod good call uh a movable rod moved bodies looted uh you find a total of seven soul
[3002.5s] coins from various uh creatures and positions uh hidden within did you want to do something
[3008.8s] with those soul coins or you just you were just looking to find yeah i'll start looking
[3011.9s] around with uh flint at the front and see if there's anything i can do with these uh bad
[3017.4s] they resonate in your hand and there's there's this this painful ring that kind of hits your
[3024.1s] ears as you as you see them um flint you see a a coin slot on the dashboard that looks
[3032.2s] like it's the perfect size for one of these soul coins give it a shot i flip flint a coin
[3038.5s] coins flipped flint slides it in and the engine roars to life as it screams out across
[3045.4s] the landscape russ begins to roll towards the watchtowers of the river sticks
[3053.8s] Dumbgeons and Dragons season two episode 137 starring Amy More as thea and night hunter
[3060.1s] carla max dead as lip sync he tom laird as flint with kyle Claset as Vorunax and Russ More
[3066.1s] as your dungeon master dialogue editing by carla max dead and sound design by Russ More
[3071.5s] this episode featured music from epidemic sound and art list and sound effects from
[3076.0s] epidemic sound boom library and sound ideas and a huge thank you to our supporting producers
[3081.0s] gabriel lynch jessica babich cat water flame jacob madden christian brown craig zeiss erin
[3087.4s] stevens perry matey kayla littlejohn la branton old school gamer d nathaniel teeter destiny
[3093.8s] garcia and ryan car join us today at Patreon.com slash dumb dragon cast and receive hundreds
[3100.9s] literal hundreds of hours of bonus content hangouts with the cast and a whole lot more
[3106.3s] you have a great week we'll talk to you soon uh you've just you've just
[3115.8s] what's the word i'm looking for just hurled yourself down the brambly bony hell yeah all
[3123.0s] right what what fucking level am i 18 okay cool i sorry i can't remember dungeons and
[3129.5s] dragons is a dumb dragons production